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God Loves Me More

My grandmother has a saying, ‘God loves you, but He loves me more.” Often when I am at my grandmother’s house (which frequently coincides with this time of year), I am certain to hear this phrase at least once. It is always followed by an explanation of one of the recent ways that God has shown her how much He loves her. Sometimes, it is something extravagant such as the masses found on CT scan and ultrasound that were gone a few months later. Other times, it is something small that means something special to her because she knows that God did it with her in mind. Today, I feel like I can say God loves you, but He loves me more.

I know that each day passes and is full of its own worries and beauties. For months now, we have sought God about what to do after January. As December is now on our doorstep and we are still uncertain of what He has for us, we continue to pray. There are times when I just can’t help but become anxious, so I try not to think about it too much. I spend a lot of time with the girls, cooking, and cleaning. Today, I spent a fair amount of time in the kitchen preparing food and cooking. I had spent most of the afternoon avoiding the kitchen, as I didn’t want to see the mess waiting for me to clean. I finally decided that I would regret waiting, if I delayed until after supper. As I approached the sink and looked at the pile of dishes to be washed, my heart sank. I still didn’t want to do them, but I knew I should. I began getting everything prepared. As I finished washing the first dish, I looked up and saw the kitchen window glowing orange. I pushed on the metal lever to open the windows and saw the most beautiful sunset. It could have been a painting, with the fiery orange edged with thin lines of pink that became the boldest purple that I have seen in the sky. This was the captivating backdrop to the dark shadow of the bare trees that I can see out my kitchen window. This ever-changing spectrum of colors was my delight to watch as I then happily washed my dishes. After I finished washing all the dishes, the sky quickly changed from the vibrant strokes of color stretching across the canvas out my window into a dusky grayish blue, then darkness.

I have asked people here about what they think about the nice sunsets here. Most people that I ask say they never have the time to stop and look at it. Also, I often get too busy to admire God’s masterpieces. Today, I can’t help but think that I might have been the only one to see one of the most beautiful sunsets that I have ever seen. I was able to enjoy the smile of God while doing my dishes and it felt like it was directed specifically towards me. Not because of anything that I had done, but just because He loves me.

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